Burnt Out, Broken, Back: A Dad’s Revival (Part 1)

Have you ever felt the crushing weight of burnout, leaving you questioning your very purpose?

In this transformative episode, Hinesh Chauhan takes us on a deeply personal journey from debilitating burnout as a high-powered Canadian federal executive to finding clarity, resilience, and purpose. Through self-discovery and unexpected breakthroughs including a late ADHD diagnosis Hinesh realigned his life by embracing sleep, nutrition, mindfulness, and his core values.

Together, we explore the transformative power of community and connection, inspired by a teenager’s profound insight about “enjoying the passage of time.” This episode challenges outdated notions of masculinity, showcasing how vulnerability and emotional openness fuel personal growth and leadership transformation.

Reflecting on societal norms, we delve into the critical role of collaboration and support in navigating upheaval, whether personal or professional. Hinesh’s story proves that reframing burnout from failure to a growth opportunity can ignite confidence, courage, and sustained high performance.

This isn’t just a story it’s an invitation. Learn how to rise from burnout, embrace resilience, and lead with authenticity. Listen now and take the first step toward your own revival.

Colorado’s best business coach, Baz Porter, has a new mindset strategy mentoring service to help you unlock new heights of growth, prosperity, happiness, and success. Book your first meeting with the coaching visionary at https://www.ramsbybaz.com/

Chapters

• 0:02 Overcoming Burnout Through Self-Discovery
• 11:51 The Power of Connection and Community
• 23:45 Embracing Self-Compassion for Burnout Recovery
• 28:37 Building Confidence Through Collaboration

Transcript

Baz Porter : 0:02

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to season five. Yes, season five. We've got a few more episodes before us, and this is Rice and the Ashes. I'm your host, baz Porter, and I'm never going to remember your name because everybody knows me. I'm terrible with names. Please pronounce your name, because I don't want to get it wrong and I'll get shot if it gets wrong.

Hinesh Chauhan: 0:20

No worries, baz, it's Hinesh.

Baz Porter : 0:21

Chauhan, hinesh Chauhan. I hope I pronounced that right If I didn't welcome, and it's great to have you here. Burnout isn't just about working hard. It's a sign that something deeper is broken within us. Many CEOs, coaches and high-level entrepreneurs have this challenge with burnout. My question to you is what's your challenge?

Hinesh Chauhan: 0:51

been with respect to burnout and and understand the cause, because it's really everybody medical doctors, other doctors, everyone looks at symptoms, even in in our personal lives, in business and relationship. No one looks at the cause. And my experience in with burnout was when I worked for the canadian federal government. I was an executive responsible for the life cycle management of assets for department of fisheries and Oceans and the Coast Guard and what was happening was pain started creeping into my body. It started with my big toe, which I thought was gout and just my diet's good, everything's good in terms of movement and started popping Advil. That pain started creeping out and up throughout my entire body and creating brain fog. Through the inflammation and not understanding what was happening, I just kept dealing with the pain. Two Advil worked for my toe as it creeps up I'll just add more and I got to a point where I was up to 28 Advil a day and, being the dumbass that I am, I thought maybe this is something that I should seek professional advice on. So I go see my doctor, tell her what's going on and her face just her jaw drops and tells me you're going to burn a hole in your stomach, which set off other red flags because I'd overcome, I'd be to Crohn's through my own research and analysis, despite what other doctors told me, and thought, shit, I should take this seriously. And so I asked for a couple of weeks off because I realized there's more at play that I need to deal with. So I initially was given three weeks off and then that just sent me spiraling down. It was as if that was giving me permission to just let go spiraling down. It was as if that was giving me permission to just let go. And I was off for 14 months and just completely useless as a single parent, barely able to parent, barely able to address myself. I wasn't. There's so much inflammation. I couldn't get a shirt over my head, my shoulders weren't able to move beyond this point and as I overcame it, step by after, being told you need biologics, you need these medications for life. It wasn't something I was accepting and I remember firing doctors going to other specialists and they'd ask, because they'd seen the system you saw this rheumatologist, why are you seeing us? I'm like I want a second opinion. I didn't like what they told me based on my research. Blah, blah, blah. They're like, okay, we'll entertain it.

Hinesh Chauhan: 3:27

And then slowly, the doctors changed the way they're treating me based on the research I was bringing them, and I didn't realize the lesson afterwards, but the way for me out of it was realizing okay, you need good sleep, you need good nutrition, you need good movement, you need good mindfulness, meditation, spirituality, you need good time in nature. And I just kept stacking these things and slowly things were improving for me. And then the last piece was creativity. You need a creative outlet, you need to create, you need to have passion in, whether it's vacuuming and I enjoy listening to podcasts and creating nice lines in the carpet or cooking I enjoy cooking. That's the creation, but really having your heart into it. And as that stuff stacked, I started getting better and realized it's there's so much more to us in our body.

Hinesh Chauhan: 4:21

And then, as I broke things down further and understood it was my thinking coming from post-divorce, the shame and guilt I had and then falling behind. And in this process I was also after getting denied by insurance for long-term disability and then calling him saying what the fuck do you want from me? I'm'm broken, I'm not functioning. I'm holding onto my cat, trying to get its vibrations of purring to hopefully heal me in some way, and outlining this. I'm like, seriously, what the F do you want from me? And then they said, oh, we need you to see a neurologist or a psychiatrist. I'm like, why hasn't anybody told me that Go see a psychiatrist does an evaluation? And with all the anxiety challenges I've had in my life, everyone's told me oh, you're high functioning, you have all the tools, but something's not working, folks, which has led to all these other problems and finally got a diagnosis of ADHD.

Hinesh Chauhan: 5:20

And all of a sudden everything made sense. And all of a sudden, everything made sense. Now I know why I have these challenges and not being guilty, feeling guilty for having some disorder in my hands, for not being able to complete my bookkeeping for my business, my real estate and being able to slowly forgive myself Still something I'm working on. And then I went back to work and realized this wasn't just an illness from that shame and guilt. There was so much more behind it and realized I was working against my values In an organization where I'm getting pissed off at seeing the deterioration of our country, a country I've served in uniform that I continued in public service, where I work hard to get evidence-based recommendations for our elected officials and those decisions aren't being made and a whole suite of other things, and realize, fuck, I'm working, I'm living, I'm going against my values. And then that began a chain of events that led me to say I'm out.

Hinesh Chauhan: 6:27

And I remember the specific moment in time, as we're preparing and I'm working with several organizations in our federal department leading an initiative for another economic stimulus program where I've led others, previous ones when it made sense and our economy is overheated. This is 2020. And it was just wasted effort. This is not the time to add gas to the fire in our economy. Why are we doing this? And some other bureaucratic crap popped up and I remember just calling my boss that day saying I'm out.

Hinesh Chauhan: 7:05

And then at the same time, some other great things happened. Consulting firms reached out to me, got some good offers and then I hopped. But my experience with burnout was learning to understand the responses in your body. If it's physical pain which is really brought on by emotions, and if you dig deep into the books, chronic pain, chronic disease, starts in the mind. It's psychologically based and get to the root of it and not just treat the symptoms, because that feeds a really dirty pharmaceutical industry and no one's really looking out for your best interests. You have to be that advocate when you go to your professionals.

Baz Porter : 7:45

I love that and I think you mentioned a couple of key points in there, self-awareness being one of them. Your values, because a lot of people aren't aware of them and your values and beliefs actually make your whole world. It's what structures everything around you and internally On the discovery to ADHD, which is very common, I've got it, many other people have what was the defining moment for you to go actually, I'm done. I can't live like this anymore. What was the epiphany going? That's it.

Hinesh Chauhan: 8:22

In terms of professionally or personal.

Baz Porter : 8:25

Whatever you're willing to share.

Hinesh Chauhan: 8:31

Several things there are, and any one part was the path I took when my ex-wife said it was over and destroyed me, and that's a whole separate challenge. And I guess rise from the ashes moment was to take the higher road and to focus on the kids, which was what I did, and we have a beautiful co-parenting relationship. But what I wasn't doing was letting go of any resentment and bitterness, and holding on to that was hurting myself. It's like the saying of taking a shot of poison, expecting the other person to suffer. I was the only one suffering. It was clouding, ruining my enjoyment of life.

Hinesh Chauhan: 9:16

The other piece was understanding what you can and can't control, and I remember that moment when I told my boss I'm out. And you know what he said to me. He said, hinesh, you care too much. I was like are you fucking serious? We're responsible for billions of dollars of public money and you're telling me that I care too much. And to a degree he was right. But what that also told me was I'm not in the right place. I need to go somewhere else where people will, I can help the people that need the help where our government's failing us. And then another piece was at the same time. All this happened at once. It's funny what the universe does to bring this together was my brother, who is a special forces soldier, committed suicide and, having been someone that I worked in our Treasury Board Secretary which is the equivalent to the US Budget Management Office and Treasury overseeing highrisk, high-value military activities and acquisitions, and knew the system as a soldier, as a uniformed and then later non-uniformed employee within our Department of National Defense and then working centrally with doing the oversight for everything, understood, understand the system intimately like no one does, and the federal opposition invited me in front of a parliamentary committee to present what happened. And I did and came with really objective recommendations, did a lot of research, looked at which militaries in the world were experiencing decreasing suicide rates, what those factors are, how it lined with our national defense priorities for wellness, for suicide prevention, and how it was just lip service and provide recommendations and nothing came of it. So I wasted my time. They're doing nothing about it. All these words are for nothing and within other areas of my life, was being on a treadmill, not actually living, not being present, not being grateful for what I have, especially and to revert to that after starting to heal and be functional again and being stupidly just going back to work full-time despite recommendations of easing back in and then just dealing with all this pressure again, which was stupid but also a pattern in my life. So I think I just may like that. Both sorts of challenges Realize that and I still work on this is enjoying the journey.

Hinesh Chauhan: 11:51

You have to enjoy the passage of time. And a year ago, one of my son's best friends, who is far wiser than his years, is in my kitchen because I love with food. So we're in the kitchen, we're talking and he asks me what's the meaning of life to you? And I'm like, hmm, and I can't remember what my version was. And then I ask him what's yours? And this is, at the time, a 15 or 16-year-old who tells me enjoying the passage of time. Yeah, and that is so profound and I'm still learning that, I'm still working on it. But at that time, realizing where I put my time, energy and effort needs to be appreciated. Where I put my time, energy and effort needs to be appreciated and I need to be able to be in a space where I provide that highest and best use to the right audience. And when you're in that space and understand what your value is, which has also been since I've left that role and the corporate world after that is understand your value, learn your value and enjoy the passage of time.

Baz Porter : 15:48

I love that and I think that quote I've heard it before, but I can't remember who said it. I think it was Tom Hanks that heard it from somewhere else. So it's phenomenal. But to hear a 15-year-old man I don't want to call him a boy, I don't want to be disrespectful, but a 15-year-old man actually say that to you, what did that do for you internally? Because it must have moved you.

Baz Porter : 16:19

And there's a concept about men being this alpha dominant bam. Fuck that. We've got emotions. We feel shit, period, and it doesn't matter about your past, what you've been through. We are human beings and, yes, women are from Venus, men are from Mars. We operate different ways, we run in on a different operating system, but we still feel stuff and I think that's been gone under under the radar in this corporate america world of we've got to be this, a type, typical stereo man in these environments, and nothing can phase us. Truth is, yes, it does phase us, but it's how we deal with it, how we grow from it. Going back to the original statement, enjoying the passage of time and enjoying the journey that you've been on. What was that? Hearing him going, holy shit, because that's our future.

Hinesh Chauhan: 17:16

Yes, which, if you look at theories like the fourth turning, understanding that generation is going to change the world and reminding my kids to be hopeful and don't look at the world as it is now. But hearing that from him was so inspiring, so moving, and just to be grateful that somebody like that is in my life that can provide that sort of positive influence and is around my kids. So it was just heartwarming and encouraging. And further to what you said about that, further to what you said about that Men, the culture, ego, the stresses, the pressures, the idea that we're not to show vulnerability is something I threw out the window at a very young age. I grew up in an extremely dysfunctional household and by sharing things with the people close around me and, for example, I just had a christmas or holiday dinner with a group of friends that I've known since kindergarten and have these amazing relationships, and I've all said that my, my friends are my wealth and always share it openly, even the military. I'd get in shit because I would refer to my troops by the first name and and get it talking to you. I'm like this is how we this is our rapport and then in the corporate world, I have always shared what challenges I have with my teams and have communicated to every new team organization I come into that what happens in your personal life bleeds into your professional and vice versa. If you're not happy here, it's going to ruin your home life and vice versa. That needs to be addressed right away and understanding what people like and don't like about their roles and in an organization I was brought into, so toxic revolving door for leadership, there were just these silos and these clicks and a lot of conflict. And within two years I came in there, I helped create a wellness committee, which was ultimately a way to bring people on board, to show hope, to measuring, creating metrics of how we're going to measure success, activities required to be able to start healing this, running workshops. This was a secondary duty to my demanding job already and in two years, based on a public service employee survey, the wellness satisfaction improved by 127% 127%. And it's because of that vulnerability and showing people that I struggle too and being open with my boss even of hey, um, I'm not functioning well because my ex-wife just called me to say that she's pregnant with the guy that she's been with for a very short amount of time and I'm just fucking rocked. I need to go home, yeah, and just being open with it. Why hide it? Because it is. If you're having challenges. The more people around you that know about it, the better they can support you so they can be productive. And the more they understand you're struggling, the more they'll realize that they're human and will share their struggles and you start creating that village and being who I am.

Hinesh Chauhan: 20:42

When I left government and did a meta-analysis of why do I hate all these things? What's wrong with the world? What's hanging fruit? What did COVID do to us? Why am I so angry and realize we are so segregated, especially here where it is? I always ask my parents why the F? Did you immigrate here, leave India and East Africa for a climate where I don't want to leave the house for six months out of the year and families are connected. We don't talk with each other, we don't, houses of worship aren't populated or being visited, we don't have that community, the community of elders, to help and heal families and support them. And there's no surprise that divorce is at a 50% rate and no one's batting an eye at that, and I think it promotes a stronger demand for housing.

Hinesh Chauhan: 21:30

I digress, but we look at how we live. It's increased mental illness, increased physical illness, lack of connection, and those things are healing. We don't have multi-generational homes. We outsource child rearing of our kids until they're school-aged, so both parents can have multiple TVs in their house, two cars and all these nice toys but aren't engaging with their kids. Then they go to school and then they're in front of screens. Grandparents are outsourced to senior homes where they can't contribute to society and you have this disconnection, no transfer of values amongst generation. You don't have that community, intergenerationally within a family, within communities, within the villages lacking. Looking at all that and the way we're headed, I realized the simple solution to everything is increased connection, collaboration and community. I like alliteration Connection, collaboration and community. If we focus on that, we will heal our society Every place. That's where it begins.

Baz Porter : 22:31

Before we continue, I just want to ask the audience for the most people listening. Firstly, thank you. I just want to ask the audience for the most people listening. Firstly, thank you. And if you're ready to stop just surviving and start really thriving, I think it'd be an idea for you now to click that like button and share this content, because what you're hearing now is real-hand and first-hand accounts of people who are not just saying it, but they're doing it, and that isn't me, because I'm the host. These people have gone and are continuing to go through their own journeys, and it's about having the connection. It's collaborating with others and also building the communities around what you truly want with others, and also building the communities around what you truly want. And this is just another prime example of that, where someone has gone through the fire and now are rising from the ashes into something completely new, from a divorce, from a military background. It's about you and your journey. So if you're listening to this, subscribe. Give someone opportunity to hear someone else's story. You make the channel possible, not us.

Baz Porter : 23:45

Reframing burnout is a different concept for a lot of people. Most people think burnout's a failure. People think burnout's a failure. There's entrepreneurs or high-level people. What was the wake-up call for you for leadership in your own life? I know you mentioned the divorce. You mentioned coming back from the military, regaining and seeing all of these components going on. How did you redefine that? How did you reframe it to go? That's not what I believe in.

Hinesh Chauhan: 24:21

That's a great question, baz, because this is a major reframe. I have a tendency to put mission above self, and I still do. But in order for me to show up my best in a sustainable way, for me to show up my best in a sustainable way, I have to put myself first, and this is something I'm reminding myself constantly of. What are the no fails in my day-to-day life that I need to do to be at my best? And it is understanding those things that feed me. And again I laugh, because I fucking laugh at myself, because as I reread my journal probably quarterly and go through, hey, what are the lessons I've learned and realized? The repetition of things that need to be hammered into my thick skull so that I learn it. And it's feeding me, feeding myself what I need, and being more self-compassionate, which starts with self-awareness, and catching yourself in those moments and instead of braiding yourself if you're a high performer, you're not there because you take it easy, it's because you've got strict standards for yourself. I want to do this. I have to do X, y, z or Z for the American viewers. It's about understanding that you may put too much on your plate. What's practical? What is the must-dos versus the nice-to-haves what's going to get you to the outcomes you want, but realizing that some things take a bit longer, the things that you may have missed to be more compassionate. Other things happen in life that you need to tend to, or reprioritize, and triaging things on a daily basis, and so it comes down to being objective.

Hinesh Chauhan: 26:12

What is it that I need to do? Where am I at now? And removing emotion from it, if anything. Have that long-term vision and the emotion related to living in that reality. The moment, I'm complete, I'm okay, I'm enough as I am, and my self-awareness is showing me the areas that I need to work on, where I need to grow, and I acknowledge that. And that's it. No emotion of shit. You should be better than this. You should know this by now. And rereading those moments in my journal now where I just laugh at myself, I'm like, holy fuck, how many times do you need to relearn this? But that's what it's going to take. If that's what it takes. That's what it takes. I'll put more effort into being more aware of that. I will make efforts and come up with a strategy to to remind myself of it, so it will be a revolving sticky at the bottom of my monitor, or what I do is write on my bathroom mirror with whiteboard markers.

Baz Porter : 27:25

That's a very handy trick there. Actually, I want to close today this part of this, because there's always two parts. We've changed the whole system. I used to go run all the way through, but people weren't listening to all the way through, so we just put it into two parts and before we close this first part and we go into the second, this is what I'd like you to do.

Baz Porter : 27:47

If you're listening to this and you've just tuned in, go back, rewind, go right to the beginning and get a notepad and pen and just sit with yourself in complete silence, with all the notifications off, and do a deep dive in the wisdom that's just been shared with you. And it's not my wisdom, it's Hinesh's. It's about his journey and his contribution, not just to his clients and what he does for a living, but his military service, his partner, ex-partner, but he's managed to stay in amicable friendship because he's risen above the noise. That takes confidence. Confidence, it takes courage and it also takes that other word we mentioned earlier collaboration. That's a role model that isn't just someone who's speaking what everybody else wants to hear. That is a guy who's doing it.

Baz Porter : 28:58

So go back with a notepad and pen and just take notes, because this is like having a free fucking coaching session worth $10,000. And that's not a small price for most people. So you want the coaching session? Suggest you get on his website and have a conversation. I'll see you in part two. This is from rice matches. I'm bass porter and I look forward to seeing you very shortly thanks.